Fighting Cancer, like so so many of us are- you know

I got this.

Q: Are You Scared of Dying

Abstract answer, 100s, thousands of billions of people before me have died and they handled it quite fne and easily

Concrete answer–

My young wife died from stage IV cancer and I was a medic and did home care hospice. I put her in a body bag after watching her tortured for three years.

I suffered too, I was in agonizing pain for her and felt like I died with her, or was walking around dead when she passed or was trying to get dead or didn’t give a damn if I got dead (walked through possible minefields in Afghanistan all day)

I have Stage IV cancer now. I don’t give a fuck, I think.

I won’t give disease or death the satisfaction. Disease  and death can’t hurt me any worse than they already did. So no. I’m not afraid of dying. I think.

YOUR BOY CAUGHT CANCER

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

NYPD police officer has committed suicide– 8th suicide this year

Extremely high annual number of suicides- leadership needs to step up and step in for real with concrete help to try and check this. RIP troop.

NYC Safe House or the Exact Opposite of a Safe House

Three windows cemented up, address numbers stripped from facade, security camera on blast ( upper right of front door), 300 pound 40 something white man with a beard occasionally on point on the deck in a beach chair and cell in hand

My Drill Sergeant (continued)

Anyone Who Knows This Drill Sergeant, Tell Him Thank You So So Much– He Saved My Life (Soul Really)

Know it’s a long shot — I love this man, he figuratively and literally picked me up off the ground- I was running, exhausted, pain in my left side, I grabbed it to stop the hurting, more laps, then my right side cramps up & I grab a hunk of my skin there so I’m running off balance with both arms down squeezing opposite sides of my gut. Then I went flying, falling face down in August on a gravel track in Missouri. I got up and tried to keep going. Sgt. Davis (permission to speak drill sergeant. Speak) says that’s enough Heldman and walks me off the track. A drill Sgt. saying that’s enough to an E nothing in basic training is unheard of. There supposed to be torturing us, pushing us past torture. And this was old school, corporal punishment, no nets under 50 foot obstacles, no safety at all 1984.

Drill Sgt. M Davis, 1984 , Fort Leonard Wood Missouri, D-1-3, First Battalion, Company D, 3rd Platoon. I had nothing and nobody at 18, out of sleeping in the street and drug rehab/reform school at 18. Hope he’s still alive. I love him for what he did. No other DI there did anything like that. He was a great man to me. thanks sarge– Heldman, ugly motherfucker from New York who you used to tease on obstacles — come on Heldman, should be no problem for you climbing all those fire escapes to break into houses in NY. I was scared shit and clueless but I just jumped for the rope or the next log treetop high, rather fall and die than disappoint Davis, played it off like he was right- smiled, said fuck it and just jumped.

Thank you Sarge.

Want To See My Public Library In 2019 In NYC– It’s The Same Type of Public Library I Had in 1975 In NYC. It’s Always Infrastructure Week In The 718 & 212

The Almost Impossible Plea of We Need Better Mental Health Care in America

Jeffrey Epstein was on suicide watch in a jail cell in a Federal Correctional Facility in Manhattan, NY after an attempted suicide attempt 2 weeks ago.

He committed suicide today. If only we had seen the warning signs. If only he was on our radar. If only he sought help or we could have got him into care, even by force. yeah, right

Yesterday’s NY Post On The Most Dangerous and Damaged Hood In NYC for 50 Straight Years

East New York,Brooklyn- the #1 ranked worst neighborhood in literally every single quality of life category- from arrests to suicides to cirrhosis cases, vd cases, child abuse cases, pollution & toxic chemical contaminated sites, police brutality cases, number of homeless shelters, number of drug rehabs, number of sex offenders residing, AIDS deaths, number of incarcerated, and every year the highest number of 7 major felony arrests and number of misdemeanors.

I spent years of my life immersed in East New York for an investigative article and podcast simultaneously launched on Digg/The Week, The Big Roundtable and Apple Podcasts.

The most consequential article I ever wrote.

East New York is likely the worst hood in the United States- impossible to rehabilitate or reform or gentrify because it’s trapped–locked in on 4 borders– acres of graveyards on its northern border, huge toxic Kennesdy Airport on its eastern border, huge polluted Jamaica Bay, landfills and a masssive abandoned old school style institution and campus that used to warehouse all NYC’s developmentally disabled, and a fortresses of numerous massive housing projects in Brownsville (Mike Tyson’s old hood) on its western border.

And a rotting freight train track built around 1899 and all it’s rotting freight cars and the related toxic freight, minerals, electrical circuitry, coal, diesel, oil, copper etc runs through the whole middle of the neighborhood from east to west.

http://digg.com/2016/what-the-hell-happened-in-east-new-york

Chungha, a new and better species of human beings. God is playing tricks on me

What the hell. Is this a new species of human beings. What am I supposed to do now, check into a zoo or a pound because of Chungha people. Damn, is there a new god cranking out finer people. Or am I gonna mistakenly curl up like a mutt because of photo shop and top notch high skilled undetectable to cats like me cosmetic surgery.

 

 

Trump Dismisses Grab Them By The Pussy Riff As “Locker Room Banter” Only a locker room in a level 4 sex offender unit.

“Grab them by the pussy,” Trump adds. “You can do anything.”

Upon the tape’s release, amid the heated final weeks of the 2016 presidential campaign, Trump dismissed the remarks.

“This was locker room banter, a private conservation that took place many years ago,” he said in a statement last October.

Been in army barracks, drug rehabs, homeless shelters, EMS quarters, psychiatric hospitals, reform schools,prisons and never once heard a guy say that.

This sick vile son of a bitch Trump just cited a white supremacist in a tweet one damn day after his El Paso/Daytona anti bigotry speech. Here goes an actual real anti-social personality behavior disordered sadist— deranged, perverted, amoral. God damn, America- what the fuck did u let happen

Even more amazing, coming a day after his half-hearted attempt to deliver a call for unity in the face of two mass shootings, Trump cited as a source Kevin Cernekee, the Google engineer who actively tried to rally internal support for white supremacist groups before being fired.

Ivanka Trump Lecturing Us All On Inner City Violence. Pretty Damn Sickening. Pretty Damn Galling. Pretty Damn Stupid of Her

Mommy, Mommy How Will I Know If I’m In A Hood? Look to the sky child, do you see sneakers impossibly draped over power lines– then you shall know you’re somewhere between a hardrock & a cop spot– a hood.

The Lie of People Who Bray Fake News

So we’re not actually fake news- you’ve just been lying your ass off Kellyanne Conway

 

What if we all unfollowed Trump on Twitter? (opinion)

– CNN.com 19 hours ago · In the nearly three years that Donald Trump has been in the White House, his outbursts have become all too predictable. Nowhere is this more evident than on Twitter, the space where he appears to feel most comfortable being outrageous and hateful. After tweeting racist attacks…

[Or what if we didn’t vote for a lying amoral dumb bigoted know it all greedy crooked sadistic mentally unbalanced egomanical rapist with ADHD)

While Country Focused on El Paso Mass Murder, Trump Tweeted About UFC, Retweeted Praise

But he’s actually really a good guy no matter what, right Franklin Graham, Ivanka, Kid Rock, Peter Thiel, Laura Ingraham, Lou Dobbs, Lindsey Graham, Pastor Robert Jeffress, Kanye, Kim, Ben Carson, Gregg Jarrett, Roseanne Barr, Candace Owens, Steve Doocey, Elaine Chao, Tomi Lahern, Kelly Conway, Kayleigh McEnany, Rick Santorum. No matter what, right?

 

 

 

I Saw, Heard Texas Shooting Rabid Hate Today

“Investigators are reasonably confident” that the suspect, identified by police as Patrick Wood Crusius, 21, of Texas, posted the diatribe on the extremist online forum 8chan before the shooting”

I went into my damn bagel shop this morning and the owner counter man says his friend, a police officer, lives on Steinway in Astoria, Queens across from a mosque being renovated. I know the mosque. First he’s raving about greased palms and corruption regarding the construction. Then he’s getting worked up, ” I’m gonnna say it, because it’s what they are, they’re scumbags-they’re gonna park their cars all over the place, they don’t respect anything, someone should investigative them. He’s furious, pressured speech, ranting non stop, like the crazy son of a bitch is ready to kill. For what, he doesn’t even really know

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

UFC Colby Covington post fight idiotically thanks the Trump brothers for making America great (how?) and for inspiring him by being in attendance (if Don Jr. inspires you, man). Went on to say more idiotic things

New York underbelly where the streets are most definitely not paved with fools gold. God we need infrastructure, slipping into a damn third, second world country. no lie. Look at these photos

Where the homeless sleep in rundown trailers ( NY, NY)

 

 

 

You say you don’t mind a little pollution, can’t hurt really don’t you know- we know what we’re doing really after all. Well, you know we all want to change the world,right, but look real hard, in the little dirty nook s and crannies polite people don’t venture,oh yeah, yeah

via You say you don’t mind a little pollution, can’t hurt really don’t you know- we know what we’re doing really after all. Well, you know we all want to change the world,right, but look real hard, in the little dirty nook s and crannies polite people don’t venture,oh yeah, yeah

You say you don’t mind a little pollution, can’t hurt really don’t you know- we know what we’re doing really after all. Well, you know we all want to change the world,right, but look real hard, in the little dirty nook s and crannies polite people don’t venture,oh yeah, yeah

Where the homeless sleep in campers in the industrial area:

So you want to be a dishwasher kid- my sorry ass did it for 2 years and four years in college- it paid for my Columbia University Graduate University Education. I thought I was set Joirnalism is dying, but I won’t let it, so help me. I swear of I.F. Stone. Who’s with m

via So you want to be a dishwasher kid- my sorry ass did it for 2 years and four years in college- it paid for my Columbia University Graduate University Education. I thought I was set Joirnalism is dying, but I won’t let it, so help me. I swear of I.F. Stone. Who’s with m

So you want to be a dishwasher kid- my sorry ass did it for 2 years and four years in college- it paid for my Columbia University Graduate University Education. I thought I was set Joirnalism is dying, but I won’t let it, so help me. I swear of I.F. Stone. Who’s with m

I love my damn life so much today – watch tomorrow something will happen and I’ll go searching for a bottle of penobarbotol in an old bomb shelter (true story prepprs and historians-they exist)

via I love my damn life so much today – watch tomorrow something will happen and I’ll go searching for a bottle of penobarbotol in an old bomb shelter (true story prepprs and historians-they exist)

I love my damn life so much today – watch tomorrow something will happen and I’ll go searching for a bottle of penobarbotol in an old bomb shelter (true story prepprs and historians-they exist)

 

Dear NYPD, Maybe If You Stop Putting Us In Illegal Choke Holds & Beating The Hell Out Of Us We Wouldn’t Splash You With Water. Amazing How You Tough Boys Cry After Getting A Little Wet –Can Just Dish It Out Huh? Can’t Take It

My face a week after I was choked, gang beaten, cuffed, thrown into a vehicle, punched in the face 4 times while cuffed,and locked away by police from the 114th Precinct for nothing. And the police lied about it all and there was no paperwork on file of any arrest or detention or stop and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it.

NYC Boy Strapped

Boy who was never bar mitzvahed and ran the streets as a delinquent ragamuffin in Queens was coerced into a bar mitzvah by a Chabad-Lubavitch rabbi in Taiwan airport.

He strapped me with tefillin for the first time and I was like…

New York City In Photos. What They Don’t Put On Photos, You All Looking To Come Here b/c Sinatra, Jay Z, Carrie & Big

The Best Combat Sport Fighter in the Game. Natural Born and Raised Killer

UFC mixed martial arts fighter Khabib Nurmagomedov’s training as a child in Dagestan included wrestling a bear when he was nine years old.